A poem on womanhood, periods and the birth control pill.

My uterus is currently suffering from a voluminous disjunction that even makes my eyes hurt. Standing up and even sitting down is difficult – hence my lousy posture trying to blog whilst half-lying down. So, I thought of writing a poem about it – as any normal person would. Enjoy!

Period Pondering

Good blood, healthy blood.
Blood that’s part of me.
Blood that’s life, now leaving
As red as brown can be.

Bye, blood – my blood.
So natural to observe.
Blood that came from deep inside
My uterus’ curve.

Stop it! Don’t cringe!
Don’t judge and don’t hate.
It’s natural for females.
That God did create.

We’re special. And loved.
And have a special gift.
Of carrying a baby.
When it is our due shift.

But meanwhile as we wait.
Please be patient and kind.
Our calendar must be
In God’s plan aligned.

It’s wonderful to be like this.
Just as God intended.
So right now all I wish is
To not be reprimanded.

For not taking pills.
And not being like a “he”.
After all, the choice is mine.
And I choose being… me!

The end.

So there you go! Hope you liked it!

I don’t like it when people joke about woman being on their period or PMSing. Or treating it as disgusting or bad and giving the birth control pill “solution”. Currently I’ve been hearing lots of women defending the pills and trying to get more girls to use them just because it’s “cool” to have control over your body (not because of acne or any other treatment)… people from church, I must add. *sighs*

I might blog again about godly femininity and why I chose not to take birth control pills. I think it’s a great subject to talk about that should be more discussed.

Anyway, shout out to all the ladies out there that are currently in pain for being on their period… You rock! God is with us!

Testing the spirit.

I had a dream when I was a child when a demon tried to trick me into thinking it was a messenger from God. It went like this.

Three angels (fallen, but I did not know this) came to me and said they had something to show me. They were very pretty, wearing white clothes, had a beautiful face and smile. This is why I thought they were angels. We started walking through old, brown and grey dusty paths. It was day time. There were lots of little houses around and the angel said one of them said it was going to show me around Israel. It said some things about what happened in certain places, pointing to them. The other ones were walking along with us. I remember getting very excited to see and know these things. It then pointed to a house and said, “And there is Mary with baby Jesus.” At this point I was very happy. But it went on, “And as you can see, Jesus was actually a girl.” I replied, “No, that’s wrong. Jesus was a boy.” “That’s what people say, but the truth is Jesus is a girl.” Mary started looking at me and was about to show me baby Jesus. I turned to the angel and said, “No! No he’s not! That’s not true! He’s a boy! Go away in the name of Jesus!” These fallen angels started changing their facial expressions to a mean one and seemed like they were about to attack me. Suddenly we went to another place of just one colour and that Israel place dissipated and some real, godly angels came and fought them with bows and arrows. There were about five of them and their clothing was so shiny and bright I could not see them properly. They attacked the demons and I just stood there watching. Then I woke up relieved that God had sent His (real!) angels to help me.

This may seem like a silly dream, especially because of the “girl Jesus” situation, but for me, as a child, it was very intense. I felt sad that demons were tricking me to think they were angels (and for believing them). Normally I’d have dreams with demons that I was sure that they were demons (for they were ugly and terrifying), and so I’d immediately cast them out in the name of Jesus. It was and still is rare for me to have dreams with angels, that’s why I got excited when the demon that looked like an angel came in my dream.

This is why it’s important to know what you’re dealing with and to test the spirit behind things. Even as a child (so parents, teach your children)! Here are a few examples of things which can confuse people, “wolves in sheep clothing”:

- Mystical, interesting creatures (Ex: “sweet, good” witches, fairies);
– “Biblical” films, cartoons, books (the devil knows the Bible/the letter kills. Ex: Noah movie, LOTR, Narnia);
– Dolls, toys, paintings (beautiful, cute, harmless? Ex: spider man, crying child, furby, pokemon);
– Testimonies of becoming a Christian (but not really. Ex: JRR Tolkien, Nonkoliso Ngeleka);
– Visions and dreams of angels, demons, heaven, hell, etc (Ex: Colton Burpo, Wendy Chousmatison);
– Prophecies (false prophets and preachers. Ex: Ellen G. White, Inri Christo).
– Miracles (healings, talking to dead loved ones? Ex: Benny Hinn, Todd Bentley)

Ask God to help you discern between good and evil by giving you wisdom. Ask Him to not lead you into temptation!

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1

“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20

On how to test the spirit behind things and people, I recommend reading this post by John Piper.

The end is now!

This is a dream I had a few years ago. (Because of my depression episode, it is very hard for me to distinguish between the years, so I’m sorry about not knowing when I had this dream.)

I was in the middle of a park. It was night time and all around me I saw horrible things happening, such as people being raped, hurting and killing each other, cursing, robbing, screaming and fighting. Many horrid scenes all happening at once. There were lots of people doing these things, along with lots of victims. I felt confused and afraid and desperately wanted to ask someone what was happening. As I looked for someone that was not participating in any of these things, I saw something (in a tall, strong, human form, wearing black) that was just watching everything happen. I remember thinking it was a demon, but not being sure. As I was so desperate to talk to someone, I asked it, and it didn’t respond immediately. It just looked around at the things that were happening with a sad and disturbed expression and afterwards said things to me like, “Don’t you people see? You don’t notice us! You don’t care! It is like we are doing these things in vain! Urrrrgh!” It then started walking/gliding with me and suddenly we were in the middle of a church temple, where lots of people were congregating. Some were singing and very happy, some had their hands in the air, some were day dreaming, some were bored. There was also a pastor in front of the congregation saying that the end was going to happen some time in the near future. I could see through the walls of this church, and all the bad things were happening at the same time and I tried to find someone in the church that saw the same thing as me, but found nobody. I thought to myself, “These people are blind! They don’t see what’s going on!” The creature then came in front of me (I was the only one that could see it) and started shouting very angrily, “You keep saying that the end is coming, but you don’t see! You don’t know! It’s not coming! It’s happening right now! This is it! The end of times is NOW!”

And then I woke up from this very disturbing nightmare-dream which I still don’t know the true meaning/motive of. It either had a scaring or awaring purpose… or both. Do you think we’re living in the end of times?

May God set us apart and protect us from this world that’s full of sin and tragedy, delivering us from the evil that’s all around.

I’m worn. (A song within depression.)

I’ve been struggling with depression again, and found this song to help me put my emotions into words. I hope it can help someone out there too. Only through God we can find strength to carry on.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” Psalm 42:11

“Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

I’m tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3

Near-death experiences – personal encounters with demons 3

3. Demon in the dream.

I’ve always had dreams where a demon would appear and I had to fight them with swords or words, and cast them out in the name of Jesus and they’d leave, but this time it was different. In my dream, I saw a demon coming towards me and I could not move or say anything and I had lost all my energy and felt hopeless. Normally when this happens, after some time rebuking it in the name of Jesus in my mind, my voice would finally come out and it would leave, but this time I had no strength at all. I prayed to God telling Him that I could not take it anymore, that either He teach me how live or take me away from this world, and as my strength and voice did not come, I prayed specifically for God to take me, for me to die, for Him to allow me to die in my sleep, because I could not even fight this demon and I no longer wanted to live, and that I wanted to be with Him and could not take living on Earth any longer, that it was too difficult for me. At that moment, I could feel as if I was about to die and at the same time I felt very loved by God and then suddenly I woke up with my dad kneeling beside my bed in tears praying to the Lord. When I woke up he told me not to die and that he asked God not to take me then. It was an overwhelming moment I cannot put into words.

 

Near-death experiences – personal encounters with demons -2

2. Black cape dementor.

On this situation I was in the front seats of the car with my dad, my mum and my sisters on the back seats. We were on a highway heading home when suddenly a demon appeared in front of me and took hold of my neck. It was squeezing my neck and it hurt a lot. This demon was flying and could passed through the car. It was very ugly, rotten, looked like a skull and had an opening where its mouth was supposed to be and through that opening it was sucking me up through my mouth. It was taking away all my strength and as it was holding my neck, I could not speak and I had a panic attack. Around the demon there was a lot of wind going around it as if it was coming out through a black hole. I could feel “wind” coming out of me. This demon started saying (through my mind I could hear it) that it knew that I wanted to die and that it was going to kill me at that moment. I told the demon (through my thoughts) that it could not kill me for my life was God’s, but that if it could kill me for it to do so when I got home, not in the car with my family. At this moment I started thinking happy thoughts, I pictured my little sisters and how much I loved them. I could not move my head or my body but I managed to look at my dad and look at the demon again and then to my dad again. At this moment my dad realised what was happening and rebuked the demon in Jesus’ name, and so the demon left. When we got home my parents prayed over me for God’s protection, and the demon did not kill me (obviously).

After some time, I found out that the demon I saw was the black cape demon, the same one that is in the Harry Potter saga called dementor. As you all may know, Harry Potter is satanic and the things that appear in the films and books are real witchcraft and demons. Interestingly enough, what Harry Potter and his friends learn how to do to make the dementors go away is think happy, innocent thoughts. (On a side note, I had not watched the film before I saw that demon.) About the HP series, do not watch them! An angel appeared to a friend of mine and told her to break the Harry Potter DVDs she had for they were product of a witch (the author). This christian friend of mine used the films to find out more about the demons on them, so even if you watch them with a good christian intention, they’re still bad! This is why I did not and will not watch the other HP films (or any other related one).

Near-death experiences – personal encounters with demons 1

These situations happened about 3 years ago, in the midst of my strong depressive years and moments. I hope they can encourage some and open the eyes of others. I sincerely do not remember the order in which they happened. In all cases, before they happened, I was feeling very suicidal.

 

1. Blood on the sheets.

I laid down on my bed and felt lots of difficulty in breathing. I looked around and saw a black ghost-like presence around my room. I could hear the word “suicide” being repeated very strongly, in my head and also from my surroundings. I felt very afraid and reached for my sheets that were at the end of my bed. As I was going to put them on I smelt blood and realised it was coming from my sheets. There was no blood on them but they smelt like blood all over. I began praying (in my mind, for I could not speak) and the word “suicide” became stronger. I sensed that someone close to me was going to commit suicide, so I started praying for everyone in my family, one by one. Then as the feeling didn’t leave, I started praying about some friends that I remembered. But the word “suicide” only grew stronger. Then I heard something saying “you” various times and I started crying because I was “caught” wanting to commit suicide. Then I prayed for God to help me and take those demons away, and He did. The blood smell also stopped and I could cover myself.

The next day in school I found out a boy my age had committed suicide. He was in the same class that I was a year ago, but I didn’t know him and had never seen him. His name is the same as my name (just taking the end “a” away) and he is the same age as me. That was the first time I experienced the “substitution theory”, where when a death or accident is about to happen and someone prays for it not to, it happens to someone else, normally with some “coincidences”. In this case, it was supposed to be me, but as I prayed, it was passed to someone else. I believe God allowed me to pray for my relatives and some friends so it would not be passed on to them, for a few days later, I heard my uncle was wanting to kill himself but did not.

After this happened I heard of a story in which a demon appeared when some people were crowded around a person that had died. A few people saw the demon, one of which told me the story. The demon was waiting to get that person and take him to hell. But, that person’s wife saw the demon and started shouting that it could not take him, because she wanted her husband alive. The demon then said that he had to take someone down today and that man was the one, but that if she wanted, he could leave him and take her instead. She then told him he could take him, for she didn’t want to die. That’s the theory of substitution, in practise.