How should christian married people handle friendships with the opposite sex?

“We’re just friends. Can’t I have any friends?”
“We’ve never even touched each other.”
“We aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“You have jealousy issues.”
“You’re too controlling.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“You’re the only one who sees a problem here.”
“I have no feelings for him/her other than friendship.”
“They’re like that with everyone.”
“You’re over-thinking and imagining things.”
“It’s not like we’re kissing or anything like that!”
“So I’m not allowed to have friends any more?”
“I’m sure they don’t have any romantic feelings for me.”
“I don’t have to tell you every single detail of what I do. What if I
forget something?”
“They’re in a relationship too, don’t worry.”
“You’re really insecure. You should have more confidence in yourself.”
“I don’t want to hurt her/him by not being friendly any more.”
“That didn’t come across right, but I know his/her intentions aren’t bad.”
“I trust him/her to not go over the line.”
“She/He’s just different and acts differently.”
“She/He doesn’t have same-gender friends to talk to.”
“She/He’s christian too.”
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d cheat on you!”
“You’re too conservative and old-fashioned.”
“You don’t know what she/he’s like, but I do!”
“I wouldn’t question anything if the same situation happened to you
because I trust you.”

If you’ve heard this from your spouse or you yourself have said these things when your spouse wants to talk about your friend of the opposite gender, be careful! It doesn’t have to be physical to be wrong. And just because you may not like them “in that way” doesn’t mean it’s ok either.

This is a very important topic that is many times ignored because it is difficult, can seem too restrictive and conservative. But it has to be discussed with your spouse. As soon as possible, raise the topic in an adequate moment when both of you are alone, wide awake, in good humour, with no distractions and have time to spare. (I know – when that adequate moment comes, you’d rather have intercourse with them, but bear in mind that this conversation will spare you from future rocky roads when both of you won’t even want to have intercourse because of a situation that happened.)

Initial, obvious and important considerations:
– Physical and emotional adultery are wrong and painful for both sides (and many times even for the third person involved, family and friends), have a snowball effect, are difficult to forgive and forget, cause (even more) lack of trust and honour and love that are hard to build up again. On that note, emotional affairs can be just as or even more (!) painful as physical affairs;
– The most common way of committing adultery is, by far, through developing friendships with the opposite sex that naturally grow “by mistake” (not by actively seeking it or being coerced by a random person – ex: prostitute);
– Alongside prayer (and fasting), setting boundaries is the most effective way of getting out of trouble.
– It is possible to change your mindset and lifestyle on this matter no matter how long you’ve been in the old one, what culture you live in or what general society has to say about it. Besides, honouring God and having a happy, healthy, long-lasting marriage relationship is totally worth the effort!
– You are not as strong as you think you are! As humans, we have a sinful, prideful, selfish and self-righteous nature that can very well bring us away from God and our spouses if we are not careful.

Insightful verses:
– Proverbs 27:12 “Those who are prudent see danger and take refuge, but the naive continue on and suffer the consequences.” (ESV) “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.” (KJV)
Matthew 5:27-28 “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (KJV)
Proverbs 4:23 “Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life.” (ISV) “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (KJV)
Malachi 2:16 “Indeed, the LORD God of Israel says that he hates divorce, along with the one who conceals his violence by outward appearances,” says the LORD of the Heavenly Armies. “So guard yourselves carefully, and don’t be unfaithful.” (ISV) “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”(KJV)

The Bible talks about the danger of sexual immorality (fornication) many times and gives guidelines for people to have a good marriage. Do not take this issue lightly or naively! Do not think you’re automatically protected from sin or third-parties if you are married! The devil will use any little door to get in your life and destroy your marriage because he hates marriage! So do not open those dangerous doors and think you are in control of the situation. Study and pray about it and do your best to obey the Lord.

We live in a fallen world that is so corrupt that it has been influencing many christians without them realising it. What’s “normal” to the world doesn’t mean it’s ok. Our minds have become so sexualised that we have been loosing our senses, stretching our boundaries like elastic bands until they snap in our faces and we don’t even know where we went wrong. Please understand that I am not trying to make you scared or apprehensive. Instead, I want to show you the vaccination in order to not get the sickness to not have to show you which remedy may heal the problem you’ve got because you did not have precaution.

I’ve researched intensely about how christians should deal with having opposite-sex friends and have found some webpages that have been very helpful to me. So, if you are having doubts about this topic, I greatly encourage you to read these external links that talk about this issue practically:

- Detailed explanation of how important boundaries are and where place them. (Disclaimer: This is not a Christian website, but it is spot-on on the issue of opposite-sex friendships.)
– List of questions to ask yourself or to give to your spouse to answer them honestly in order to know if a certain opposite-sex friendship should end.
Rules to apply and example of a true story of a woman who had to change her views and ways regarding opposite-sex friendships when she married.
Case study for married people and insight for single people as a means of precaution.
How to avoid emotional adultery and chemical reactions “I’m not just talking about sexual attraction. I’m referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.”
How to deal with jealousy issues. Is jealousy the problem or is it a consequence of a problem?
Rules, real case for married and single (women especially).
Explanation specifically to men in a humorous tone, explaining why the psycho crazy jealous wife is actually right.
I am thinking of having an affair (for women).

When talking to your spouse about this issue, don’t just say things have to and will change. Set actual rules and boundaries, talk about real and imaginary situations and what to do in each example. Highlight what needs immediate change and be completely honest and transparent with each other about the past and the present. Be practical and be quick! Give each other your passwords to everything online, get rid of all friendships with former lovers, always let them know about who you are engaging with, talk about former and present friends that have bothered you or them at some point, be bold about your marriage to other people and put your priorities straight – God, spouse, then others!

Because of certain “passages” that were open – be it by sinning knowingly or by naivety – there may be demons that entered into your marriage life. To get rid of those demons, I recommend reading this website page that has helped me get rid of a specific demon that was tormenting my marriage.

Onward married christian soldiers!

A poem on womanhood, periods and the birth control pill.

My uterus is currently suffering from a voluminous disjunction that even makes my eyes hurt. Standing up and even sitting down is difficult – hence my lousy posture trying to blog whilst half-lying down. So, I thought of writing a poem about it – as any normal person would. Enjoy!

Period Pondering

Good blood, healthy blood.
Blood that’s part of me.
Blood that’s life, now leaving
As red as brown can be.

Bye, blood – my blood.
So natural to observe.
Blood that came from deep inside
My uterus’ curve.

Stop it! Don’t cringe!
Don’t judge and don’t hate.
It’s natural for females.
That God did create.

We’re special. And loved.
And have a special gift.
Of carrying a baby.
When it is our due shift.

But meanwhile as we wait.
Please be patient and kind.
Our calendar must be
In God’s plan aligned.

It’s wonderful to be like this.
Just as God intended.
So right now all I wish is
To not be reprimanded.

For not taking pills.
And not being like a “he”.
After all, the choice is mine.
And I choose being… me!

The end.

So there you go! Hope you liked it!

I don’t like it when people joke about woman being on their period or PMSing. Or treating it as disgusting or bad and giving the birth control pill “solution”. Currently I’ve been hearing lots of women defending the pills and trying to get more girls to use them just because it’s “cool” to have control over your body (not because of acne or any other treatment)… people from church, I must add. *sighs*

I might blog again about godly femininity and why I chose not to take birth control pills. I think it’s a great subject to talk about that should be more discussed.

Anyway, shout out to all the ladies out there that are currently in pain for being on their period… You rock! God is with us!

Testing the spirit.

I had a dream when I was a child when a demon tried to trick me into thinking it was a messenger from God. It went like this.

Three angels (fallen, but I did not know this) came to me and said they had something to show me. They were very pretty, wearing white clothes, had a beautiful face and smile. This is why I thought they were angels. We started walking through old, brown and grey dusty paths. It was day time. There were lots of little houses around and the angel said one of them said it was going to show me around Israel. It said some things about what happened in certain places, pointing to them. The other ones were walking along with us. I remember getting very excited to see and know these things. It then pointed to a house and said, “And there is Mary with baby Jesus.” At this point I was very happy. But it went on, “And as you can see, Jesus was actually a girl.” I replied, “No, that’s wrong. Jesus was a boy.” “That’s what people say, but the truth is Jesus is a girl.” Mary started looking at me and was about to show me baby Jesus. I turned to the angel and said, “No! No he’s not! That’s not true! He’s a boy! Go away in the name of Jesus!” These fallen angels started changing their facial expressions to a mean one and seemed like they were about to attack me. Suddenly we went to another place of just one colour and that Israel place dissipated and some real, godly angels came and fought them with bows and arrows. There were about five of them and their clothing was so shiny and bright I could not see them properly. They attacked the demons and I just stood there watching. Then I woke up relieved that God had sent His (real!) angels to help me.

This may seem like a silly dream, especially because of the “girl Jesus” situation, but for me, as a child, it was very intense. I felt sad that demons were tricking me to think they were angels (and for believing them). Normally I’d have dreams with demons that I was sure that they were demons (for they were ugly and terrifying), and so I’d immediately cast them out in the name of Jesus. It was and still is rare for me to have dreams with angels, that’s why I got excited when the demon that looked like an angel came in my dream.

This is why it’s important to know what you’re dealing with and to test the spirit behind things. Even as a child (so parents, teach your children)! Here are a few examples of things which can confuse people, “wolves in sheep clothing”:

- Mystical, interesting creatures (Ex: “sweet, good” witches, fairies);
– “Biblical” films, cartoons, books (the devil knows the Bible/the letter kills. Ex: Noah movie, LOTR, Narnia);
– Dolls, toys, paintings (beautiful, cute, harmless? Ex: spider man, crying child, furby, pokemon);
– Testimonies of becoming a Christian (but not really. Ex: JRR Tolkien, Nonkoliso Ngeleka);
– Visions and dreams of angels, demons, heaven, hell, etc (Ex: Colton Burpo, Wendy Chousmatison);
– Prophecies (false prophets and preachers. Ex: Ellen G. White, Inri Christo).
– Miracles (healings, talking to dead loved ones? Ex: Benny Hinn, Todd Bentley)

Ask God to help you discern between good and evil by giving you wisdom. Ask Him to not lead you into temptation!

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1

“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20

On how to test the spirit behind things and people, I recommend reading this post by John Piper.

The end is now!

This is a dream I had a few years ago. (Because of my depression episode, it is very hard for me to distinguish between the years, so I’m sorry about not knowing when I had this dream.)

I was in the middle of a park. It was night time and all around me I saw horrible things happening, such as people being raped, hurting and killing each other, cursing, robbing, screaming and fighting. Many horrid scenes all happening at once. There were lots of people doing these things, along with lots of victims. I felt confused and afraid and desperately wanted to ask someone what was happening. As I looked for someone that was not participating in any of these things, I saw something (in a tall, strong, human form, wearing black) that was just watching everything happen. I remember thinking it was a demon, but not being sure. As I was so desperate to talk to someone, I asked it, and it didn’t respond immediately. It just looked around at the things that were happening with a sad and disturbed expression and afterwards said things to me like, “Don’t you people see? You don’t notice us! You don’t care! It is like we are doing these things in vain! Urrrrgh!” It then started walking/gliding with me and suddenly we were in the middle of a church temple, where lots of people were congregating. Some were singing and very happy, some had their hands in the air, some were day dreaming, some were bored. There was also a pastor in front of the congregation saying that the end was going to happen some time in the near future. I could see through the walls of this church, and all the bad things were happening at the same time and I tried to find someone in the church that saw the same thing as me, but found nobody. I thought to myself, “These people are blind! They don’t see what’s going on!” The creature then came in front of me (I was the only one that could see it) and started shouting very angrily, “You keep saying that the end is coming, but you don’t see! You don’t know! It’s not coming! It’s happening right now! This is it! The end of times is NOW!”

And then I woke up from this very disturbing nightmare-dream which I still don’t know the true meaning/motive of. It either had a scaring or awaring purpose… or both. Do you think we’re living in the end of times?

May God set us apart and protect us from this world that’s full of sin and tragedy, delivering us from the evil that’s all around.

I’m worn. (A song within depression.)

I’ve been struggling with depression again, and found this song to help me put my emotions into words. I hope it can help someone out there too. Only through God we can find strength to carry on.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” Psalm 42:11

“Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

I’m tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3

Near-death experiences – personal encounters with demons 3

3. Demon in the dream.

I’ve always had dreams where a demon would appear and I had to fight them with swords or words, and cast them out in the name of Jesus and they’d leave, but this time it was different. In my dream, I saw a demon coming towards me and I could not move or say anything and I had lost all my energy and felt hopeless. Normally when this happens, after some time rebuking it in the name of Jesus in my mind, my voice would finally come out and it would leave, but this time I had no strength at all. I prayed to God telling Him that I could not take it anymore, that either He teach me how live or take me away from this world, and as my strength and voice did not come, I prayed specifically for God to take me, for me to die, for Him to allow me to die in my sleep, because I could not even fight this demon and I no longer wanted to live, and that I wanted to be with Him and could not take living on Earth any longer, that it was too difficult for me. At that moment, I could feel as if I was about to die and at the same time I felt very loved by God and then suddenly I woke up with my dad kneeling beside my bed in tears praying to the Lord. When I woke up he told me not to die and that he asked God not to take me then. It was an overwhelming moment I cannot put into words.

 

Near-death experiences – personal encounters with demons -2

2. Black cape dementor.

On this situation I was in the front seats of the car with my dad, my mum and my sisters on the back seats. We were on a highway heading home when suddenly a demon appeared in front of me and took hold of my neck. It was squeezing my neck and it hurt a lot. This demon was flying and could passed through the car. It was very ugly, rotten, looked like a skull and had an opening where its mouth was supposed to be and through that opening it was sucking me up through my mouth. It was taking away all my strength and as it was holding my neck, I could not speak and I had a panic attack. Around the demon there was a lot of wind going around it as if it was coming out through a black hole. I could feel “wind” coming out of me. This demon started saying (through my mind I could hear it) that it knew that I wanted to die and that it was going to kill me at that moment. I told the demon (through my thoughts) that it could not kill me for my life was God’s, but that if it could kill me for it to do so when I got home, not in the car with my family. At this moment I started thinking happy thoughts, I pictured my little sisters and how much I loved them. I could not move my head or my body but I managed to look at my dad and look at the demon again and then to my dad again. At this moment my dad realised what was happening and rebuked the demon in Jesus’ name, and so the demon left. When we got home my parents prayed over me for God’s protection, and the demon did not kill me (obviously).

After some time, I found out that the demon I saw was the black cape demon, the same one that is in the Harry Potter saga called dementor. As you all may know, Harry Potter is satanic and the things that appear in the films and books are real witchcraft and demons. Interestingly enough, what Harry Potter and his friends learn how to do to make the dementors go away is think happy, innocent thoughts. (On a side note, I had not watched the film before I saw that demon.) About the HP series, do not watch them! An angel appeared to a friend of mine and told her to break the Harry Potter DVDs she had for they were product of a witch (the author). This christian friend of mine used the films to find out more about the demons on them, so even if you watch them with a good christian intention, they’re still bad! This is why I did not and will not watch the other HP films (or any other related one).