A poem on womanhood, periods and the birth control pill.

My uterus is currently suffering from a voluminous disjunction that even makes my eyes hurt. Standing up and even sitting down is difficult – hence my lousy posture trying to blog whilst half-lying down. So, I thought of writing a poem about it – as any normal person would. Enjoy!

Period Pondering

Good blood, healthy blood.
Blood that’s part of me.
Blood that’s life, now leaving
As red as brown can be.

Bye, blood – my blood.
So natural to observe.
Blood that came from deep inside
My uterus’ curve.

Stop it! Don’t cringe!
Don’t judge and don’t hate.
It’s natural for females.
That God did create.

We’re special. And loved.
And have a special gift.
Of carrying a baby.
When it is our due shift.

But meanwhile as we wait.
Please be patient and kind.
Our calendar must be
In God’s plan aligned.

It’s wonderful to be like this.
Just as God intended.
So right now all I wish is
To not be reprimanded.

For not taking pills.
And not being like a “he”.
After all, the choice is mine.
And I choose being… me!

The end.

So there you go! Hope you liked it!

I don’t like it when people joke about woman being on their period or PMSing. Or treating it as disgusting or bad and giving the birth control pill “solution”. Currently I’ve been hearing lots of women defending the pills and trying to get more girls to use them just because it’s “cool” to have control over your body (not because of acne or any other treatment)… people from church, I must add. *sighs*

I might blog again about godly femininity and why I chose not to take birth control pills. I think it’s a great subject to talk about that should be more discussed.

Anyway, shout out to all the ladies out there that are currently in pain for being on their period… You rock! God is with us!

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Testing the spirit.

I had a dream when I was a child when a demon tried to trick me into thinking it was a messenger from God. It went like this.

Three angels (fallen, but I did not know this) came to me and said they had something to show me. They were very pretty, wearing white clothes, had a beautiful face and smile. This is why I thought they were angels. We started walking through old, brown and grey dusty paths. It was day time. There were lots of little houses around and the angel said one of them said it was going to show me around Israel. It said some things about what happened in certain places, pointing to them. The other ones were walking along with us. I remember getting very excited to see and know these things. It then pointed to a house and said, “And there is Mary with baby Jesus.” At this point I was very happy. But it went on, “And as you can see, Jesus was actually a girl.” I replied, “No, that’s wrong. Jesus was a boy.” “That’s what people say, but the truth is Jesus is a girl.” Mary started looking at me and was about to show me baby Jesus. I turned to the angel and said, “No! No he’s not! That’s not true! He’s a boy! Go away in the name of Jesus!” These fallen angels started changing their facial expressions to a mean one and seemed like they were about to attack me. Suddenly we went to another place of just one colour and that Israel place dissipated and some real, godly angels came and fought them with bows and arrows. There were about five of them and their clothing was so shiny and bright I could not see them properly. They attacked the demons and I just stood there watching. Then I woke up relieved that God had sent His (real!) angels to help me.

This may seem like a silly dream, especially because of the “girl Jesus” situation, but for me, as a child, it was very intense. I felt sad that demons were tricking me to think they were angels (and for believing them). Normally I’d have dreams with demons that I was sure that they were demons (for they were ugly and terrifying), and so I’d immediately cast them out in the name of Jesus. It was and still is rare for me to have dreams with angels, that’s why I got excited when the demon that looked like an angel came in my dream.

This is why it’s important to know what you’re dealing with and to test the spirit behind things. Even as a child (so parents, teach your children)! Here are a few examples of things which can confuse people, “wolves in sheep clothing”:

– Mystical, interesting creatures (Ex: “sweet, good” witches, fairies);
– “Biblical” films, cartoons, books (the devil knows the Bible/the letter kills. Ex: Noah movie, LOTR, Narnia);
– Dolls, toys, paintings (beautiful, cute, harmless? Ex: spider man, crying child, furby, pokemon);
– Testimonies of becoming a Christian (but not really. Ex: JRR Tolkien, Nonkoliso Ngeleka);
– Visions and dreams of angels, demons, heaven, hell, etc (Ex: Colton Burpo, Wendy Chousmatison);
– Prophecies (false prophets and preachers. Ex: Ellen G. White, Inri Christo).
– Miracles (healings, talking to dead loved ones? Ex: Benny Hinn, Todd Bentley)

Ask God to help you discern between good and evil by giving you wisdom. Ask Him to not lead you into temptation!

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1

“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20

On how to test the spirit behind things and people, I recommend reading this post by John Piper.

The end is now!

This is a dream I had a few years ago. (Because of my depression episode, it is very hard for me to distinguish between the years, so I’m sorry about not knowing when I had this dream.)

I was in the middle of a park. It was night time and all around me I saw horrible things happening, such as people being raped, hurting and killing each other, cursing, robbing, screaming and fighting. Many horrid scenes all happening at once. There were lots of people doing these things, along with lots of victims. I felt confused and afraid and desperately wanted to ask someone what was happening. As I looked for someone that was not participating in any of these things, I saw something (in a tall, strong, human form, wearing black) that was just watching everything happen. I remember thinking it was a demon, but not being sure. As I was so desperate to talk to someone, I asked it, and it didn’t respond immediately. It just looked around at the things that were happening with a sad and disturbed expression and afterwards said things to me like, “Don’t you people see? You don’t notice us! You don’t care! It is like we are doing these things in vain! Urrrrgh!” It then started walking/gliding with me and suddenly we were in the middle of a church temple, where lots of people were congregating. Some were singing and very happy, some had their hands in the air, some were day dreaming, some were bored. There was also a pastor in front of the congregation saying that the end was going to happen some time in the near future. I could see through the walls of this church, and all the bad things were happening at the same time and I tried to find someone in the church that saw the same thing as me, but found nobody. I thought to myself, “These people are blind! They don’t see what’s going on!” The creature then came in front of me (I was the only one that could see it) and started shouting very angrily, “You keep saying that the end is coming, but you don’t see! You don’t know! It’s not coming! It’s happening right now! This is it! The end of times is NOW!”

And then I woke up from this very disturbing nightmare-dream which I still don’t know the true meaning/motive of. It either had a scaring or awaring purpose… or both. Do you think we’re living in the end of times?

May God set us apart and protect us from this world that’s full of sin and tragedy, delivering us from the evil that’s all around.

I’m worn. (A song within depression.)

I’ve been struggling with depression again, and found this song to help me put my emotions into words. I hope it can help someone out there too. Only through God we can find strength to carry on.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” Psalm 42:11

“Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

I’m tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3