I’m worn. (A song within depression.)

I’ve been struggling with depression again, and found this song to help me put my emotions into words. I hope it can help someone out there too. Only through God we can find strength to carry on.

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.” Psalm 42:11

“Worn” – Tenth Avenue North

I’m tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3

Wishing upon a star.

“When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme – When you wish upon a star as dreamers do. Fate is kind. She brings to those who love the sweet fulfilment of their secret longing. Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you through. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.”

These are the lyrics of a song sung in the Disney film Pinocchio. “Children” songs are deeper than we realise. Sometimes we don’t notice how strong are the meaning of the words. Other times we relate to it so much, that just the tune and tender voice of the singer makes us wonder back into the days we first heard it. That doesn’t mean we remember the day or moment we’ve first heard it. It might mean we want to remember that time, or it might mean the melody moves you in such a way that its rhythm makes you flow beyond limits, and then back again. The voyage makes your head spin and your heart pulse slower. Your lungs have to make more effort in order to get you all the oxygen you need. Because you think you don’t need it any more. You think you don’t want it any more. And, what frightens the most – if you could be in such state while listening to that song – is that you don’t understand why you are having all those sensations.

For example, I have never wished upon a star. I’ve thought about doing it, but something pulls me back. Maybe it’s Deuteronomy 5, that says, “8 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 9You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, (…)” that suddenly gives me the feeling of disobeying an important commandment by putting my hopes in a star, instead of in God. This may sound silly at first and only an innocent childish act, but one has to be careful in doing such things, for God is a Jealous God.

Maybe I’ve never wished upon a star also because of the fear of lying to myself. Stars can’t listen to me. Stars can’t feel. Stars can’t think. Stars aren’t divine. They’re creations. Just like you and me. In fact, we are more than they are. We are human. We have Someone that sacrificed Himself for us. For us! Why for us? Because we are human. Because we sin, we lie, we fail and we loose hope easily. Then we listen to songs, such as this one, to restore our inner peace. But we forget that we have never been in peace by listening to songs like this one. There is no peace within us and in songs it won’t be found. Trying to be in peace because of putting your hopes upon a star is useless. There is only one way we can feel it: Trusting the One who created it. For He is it. Peace is in Him. And, if He’s in us, then we will also have peace. Not because of us, but because of grace.